Believe it or not, there is still is something to say about the Apple iPad, and this is it:

• If you are happily married, DON’T BUY one of these devices

• If you want your kids to do well in school, DON’T BUY one of these devices

• If you enjoy living in the real world vs. living in a virtual world, DON’T BUY one of these devices

There I said it.

And I think it’s important to say, because this thing is as addictive as crack cocaine…

…and here’s why:

• THIS THING WILL RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE:

How?

By becoming the biggest, most frustrating, most obnoxious distraction you or your spouse ever saw.

If your marriage is rocky…this thing will only make it worse.

And if your marriage is solid…this will drive it onto the rocks.

Why?

Because once you or your spouse gets an iPad, you two will never talk together, or laugh together, or do anything together ever again…

…except fight over how much time one of you spends staring at this darn thing.

• THIS THING WILL RUIN YOUR KID’S EDUCATION:

How?

By distracting your kids in class, and by distracting them at home when they should be doing their homework.

After all, kids already spend umpteen hours a day playing video games and chatting on Facebook and texting on their cell phones…

…so why would you want to buy them an oversized device that makes it even easier for them to spend even more time doing this stuff?

• THIS THING IS GOING TO KILL YOUR SOCIAL LIFE:

Why?

By eating your brain and rendering you completely incapable of carrying on an intelligent conversation.

After all, once you have an iPad, you’re never going to put it down…

…and pretty soon the only interaction you’re going to have with others is electronically through the device, and you’re going to forget how to talk to your friends when they’re actually sitting in the same room with you.

• THIS THING IS GOING TO COST YOU YOUR JOB:

Why?

Because eventually your boss is going to go look at your Facebook page and your Twitter page and your FourSquare account…

…and he or she is going to know that you have no life and you have no willpower, because all you ever do is use your iPad to play Mafia Wars and Farmville, and that you’re even goofing around online on your iPad WHEN YOU SHOULD BE AT WORK DOING WORK!

• THIS THING IS GOING TO MAKE YOU STUPID:

Seriously.

This thing makes it possible for you to multi-task and surf the web and watch videos and go to Twitter and Facebook anytime and anywhere you want.

And you can do all this stuff on a gigantic screen…instead of a tiny little smart phone screen.

And that ability to stare at a screen and do a million things at once…

…means that you never have to stop looking at a screen ever again.

In fact, it means that you can now live your entire life staring at a screen…

…but it also means that if you do so, that you’re too stupid to realize that what you’re missing is called life.

My recommendation:

If you’re seriously tempted to get an iPad…

…consider getting a life, instead.

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